Beginners Guide to Waking Up

Alright, while I am trying to sort through photos and get everything uploaded, here is a little something to read.  I wrote this in response to a writing prompt, essentially designed to stop writers block.  So, the challenge is to determine if I pulled these ideas from some external source, or pulled them out of my arse.  You decide.

A Beginners Guide to Waking Up

The first, most important, and most difficult part of getting up in the morning is moving from the asleep state to the awake state.  Most people like to move from one state to the other based on a clock, and that will require an alarm.  There are two schools of thought about alarms, the heard of mice and the heard of elephants.

Heard of mice practitioners like to wake up slowly.  This is generally done with music, or an alarm that crescendos slowly from the edge of hearing to rattle your fillings.  The herd of mice prance slowly through your mind, bringing you kindly and gradually from sleep to wakefulness.  In this way, you can make the waking journey slowly and be in a better state of mind once they arrive.

Heard of elephants practitioners like to move from one state to another instantly, without all of the wibbly-wobbly half awake that comes when a heard of mice wanders through your dreams.  Loud buzzers, jackhammer recordings, or attaching your house to a train track tend to have the appropriate heard of elephant effect, and will allow you to awaken quickly, promptly, and with no muss or fuss.

The next step after waking up is easy, and only requires moving your feet from the bed to the floor.  It is the last step, the standing up bit, that can cause true problems.  You must first query your legs and feet and be sure they are also awake.  A simple, out loud, "feet, are you awake?" tends to be effective, but can bring your sanity into question.  A test step, where you stand upright, wobble around a little bit to test the levelness of the floor, and then begin moving will tend to save many questions about your sanity.  However, if your feet are not fully awake, this method can cause problems with the arrangement of your face. 

At this point, you are awake!  Welcome to the day, and make sure you make the most of it!